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Values in a couple relationship
Values in a couple relationship are embodied by its members. In this regard, we can say that when the two are alike, the common project is more likely to continue.
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Assuming that there are absolutely no equal partners, it is very important to share the same values in a couple relationship ; we will also see how these flow between the two in a healthy and non-toxic way. Establishing values at the base of the couple relationship is crucial for the relationship to work.
What is a couple? The term “couple” can refer to a group of two people linked by a more or less formalized affection relationship: engagement, marriage or de facto couple. What do we refer to when we talk about values? Values indicate those qualities or virtues that define a person, an action or an object, considered positive or of great importance by a social group.
In other words, the values would be those qualities that stand out in each and push to act in one way or another, since they are part of his beliefs . Moreover, they express a person’s interests and condition his behavior.
Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your behaviors, your behaviors become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.
Heart drawn on the glass
Values in a couple relationship
In the study conducted by Medina et al. (2005) and focused on the semantic dimension of intimacy, it is observed that both men and women are looking for a partner who expresses needs similar to their own , with whom to feel compatible, with whom to have characteristics in common, similar, with which we can identify with, that has tastes similar to its own.
From the point of view of the instrumental theory of partner selection, what has just been said is due to the fact that human beings are looking for someone who has values similar to their own (Centers, 1975). In this way, we align ourselves with homologous companions, that is, who have social, economic and cultural characteristics similar to their own (Rice, 1997).
Connect with someone who shares your values and together you will conquer the world.
And if we row together, in the same direction …
Rowing together, in the same direction, defining the values in a couple relationship is crucial to make the relationship go as it should, or to make it better.
The behaviors and expectations of each individual – in this case with reference to the couple’s relationship – respond to the convictions and social values transmitted through the socialization process to which they have been subjected (Kaminsky, 1981).
The socialization process is transforming over time , as it changes social values and norms, so it is foreseeable that people’s beliefs and behaviors will change accordingly (Diaz-Guerrero, 2003). Precisely in this way, the expectations, behaviors and values in a couple relationship change (García-Meráz, 2007), outlining new parameters, which are conditioned and respond to the social situation in which the couple finds themselves (Snyder and Stukas, 1999).
We need to work on some important values in a couple relationship
Establishing the values underlying the relationship is a goal that requires joint work. As we said from the beginning, each couple is unique and therefore the values that adapt to it are also.
Still, we can talk about some basic values common to most couples. We are talking about values such as love, loyalty, mutual support, generosity, mutual respect and communication. We describe them below.
There are many types of love , but all based on the same common thread. Telling someone “I love you” is not like saying “I want you”.
These sequences, close yet distant, bring together a series of phenomena ranging from falling in love to solid love, resulting in coexistence. It presupposes the surprise given by the discovery of another person and progressive falling in love to arrive at a stable, lasting and winning formula.
Loyalty depends on the type of agreement previously established. In fact, each couple reaches a sort of compromise. There are absolutely monogamous couples, and others not. The question is clear: if the pacts are respected there is loyalty. Otherwise, the betrayal takes over.
Being able to count on the other person, that he will not betray us and that he will defend our positions is a feeling that makes us feel more courageous, less vulnerable.
This is a plus point for dealing with difficulties. It is about being empathetic with the partner, trying to understand him more deeply and better, expressing approval and unconditional support.
Love establishes the foundations of all human values.
Generosity, one of the values in a couple relationship
It may seem strange, but sometimes in a couple selfishness prevails over generosity. There are those who do not come naturally to be generous with their partner, only managing to ask to have or think about themselves (“I need”, “I want”, “I would like”), which generates negative feelings.
Being in a relationship, however, is much more than that. The best way to be generous in the couple is not to think only of yourself, is to put yourself in the other’s shoes, trying to understand his point of view, even if sometimes we don’t share him.
Building a relationship on mutual respect is a fundamental value. On this point, the members of the couple must be on the same wavelength.
It is about offering a space within a relationship, both individually and for the couple. We also talk about respect when we accept the other person as a whole, without trying to change them.
Couple talking because communication is among the values in a relationship
The ideal would be to put in place an assertive and fluent communication that creates trust. The so-called assertive communication is defined by Satir (1988) as the ability to express oneself in a direct, honest and respectful way.
In any case, opening communication channels within the couple would mean that both members have made a commitment to share everything that is part of a bond, namely divergences, successes, common goals, needs, etc., or develop the predisposition to do it. Good communication is reflected in healthy ties, mutual respect, feeling, affection and complicity.